Reasons Why I'm Not Human

April 30th, 2026

I don't think I'm fully human.
Reason #1: I feel disconnected from humanity.
I feel like I never truly connect with people. It's like there's a wall between them and me. I'm so vastly different and horribly inept at interacting with humans. I can get through social interactions pretty well, but it's a struggle when I overthink every single little micro expression on my face. Texting isn't any easier, in fact it's harder. I overthink the language I'm using way more than I do offline. For example, I first wrote "I overthink the language I'm using even more than I do in real life," but changed it because the word "even" doesn't really need to be in that sentence, It sounds better with the word removed. I changed it from "more than I do in real life" because that phrase didn't flow as well either. So on and so forth, through every single text I send.
Though sometimes I prefer it to just blurting out whatever I think first because I don't have enough time to fully think through what I'm saying in an offline convo...
Or maybe everyone thinks like that. I wouldn't know.

Reason #2: Pronouns don't feel right.
I don't align with my assigned gender, I vibe more with masculinity and call myself a man, but even he/him pronouns don't quite hit right. I don't identify with it 100%. But I don't identify with she/her pronouns. Not really they/them either. Maybe it/its? I like feeling euphoria when someone uses the pronouns I want correctly but I kinda wish I didn't anymore? Because while it feels nice to be respected (probably so happy abt it cause I was hardly ever respected growing up oops), I just want to feel normal about someone using my pronouns. I want them to click and feel right. Nothing traditional does, but no one in my life will use neopronouns for me so I'll never know ig.

Reason #3: I forget I exist as a living human a lot.
When I'm alone in my house I completely forget I'm an alive human. Sure I have biological needs like hunger and thirst to take care of as a human, so that should remind me of my humanity, but I still forget I exist in a world with other conscious beings. Going to work is so jarring. Even though I watch YouTube constantly it feels like I'm the only thing to exist besides my cats. Then I leave the apartment and there's people and it's like "what the fuck? where did you come from?"

I don't know what I am, but it's not fully human. Maybe I'm a wolf, or maybe I'm an alien. An alien wolf? Who knows? All I know is that I'm an outsider who doesn't belong here.